By Bette Dewing

“We often need as much to be reminded as to be informed” are among the wisest words ever spoken. Thank you, Dr. Samuel Johnson.

And we must remember Martin Luther King’s dream of a nation where content of character matters, not skin color.  Surely that means not valuing “physical attractiveness” over character. Recent research shows that so-called attractive members of Congress are the ones who get the most TV coverage (“Looks Matter as TV Covers Congress,” New York Times, Jan. 6). Once, the women’s movement denounced this general attractiveness bias, and I’m seeking others concerned that the now decades of related research stored in one of my file cabinets do not go to waste.

Indeed, I recently started going to the EIS Housing Resource Center’s organizing group because of decades of research on a number of frustrating crusades about public safety. How I wish you’d heard the January meeting’s powerful talk on fire prevention by Kevin Anderson, an FDNY Safety Education member. It takes an impassioned speaker like Anderson to effectively inform and remind.

“We must remember,” he said, that fireplace embers caused the fire that killed three little sisters and their grandparents.

“It would likely not have turned deadly if smoke detectors had been working.” These foremost fire prevention tools must be placed up high and checked every month—and several are better than one.

Julie, a savvy business executive, marveled, “He said so much I didn’t know!” like the fact that carbon monoxide detectors must be replaced every five to seven years and extension cords should be used only temporarily, never for high power users like TVs and space heaters, and must be in mint condition and UL approved. I add: Make installing additional wall outlets affordable!

Power strips must be checked for capacity levels. Some lamps, too. Anderson fears screw-in-type fluorescent bulbs because their bases can dangerously overheat, another reason to support the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice bill! (A recent East End Avenue penthouse fire was reportedly lamp-related.)

“And use only battery-powered candles!” he implored.

Throw baking soda, never water, on small grease fires. Keep a large pot cover handy to smother small stove fires, but call 911 and get out with anything larger, especially in a non-fireproof building. No building is entirely fireproof, but those with steel beams and all-concrete walls and floors keep fire contained. Marble floors “crumble with heat.”

Use only fire department-approved window gates and never place anything on fire escapes.

Instructions for devising an escape plan and other vital information is found in the Fire Safety for Seniors brochure that was shared with our group.

“It’s for all ages,” said Anderson but, he stressed, “50 percent of fire victims are age 65 and over.” So let’s study and discuss this life-saving booklet, at least monthly, when we check our smoke detectors. Call 718-281-3870 for a copy.
Build we must on the unprecedented outpouring of public grief and nationwide media coverage of the deaths of Lily, Grace and Sarah Badger and their grandparents, Pauline and Lomer Johnson, to finally make fire prevention a top nationwide priority.

And now two deadly local fires: The Times’ “Fleeing a Fire, Only to Realize That One Child Was Left Behind” tragically reminds us that the family of the 7-year-old boy in Brooklyn did not have an escape plan. The death of a woman, age 38, in a fire in an abandoned Harlem building where she and a friend had reportedly taken shelter did not receive print coverage.

First we must be informed and then reminded, reminded, reminded!

dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

Protecting life and health always tops this column’s mission.

The tragic Christmas morning Stamford, Conn., fire that killed three young sisters and their maternal grandparents prompts an overdue focus on fire-related danger. While unsafe disposal of fireplace embers was the fire’s reported cause, had smoke detectors been installed in the mansion that was under renovation, it might not have been deadly.

The tender age of the three sisters inspired thousands of sympathy “notes” on Facebook. Their grieving uncle wrote, “What my father [the grandfather who died tried to rescue his granddaughter] would be saying now is ‘Keep those smoke detectors in place and working!’” Social media would be truly beneficent if such life- and health-saving concerns were more frequent topics.

Hopefully they will be, if the girls’ devastated parents and other close kindred make fire prevention a worldwide priority. Their bereaved mother, Madonna Badger, is a top New York City ad exec with Badger &Winters, a factor that, along with the age of the three sisters, accounted for the tremendous media coverage that the story received. She has the talent and wherewithal to do just that, as does the girls’ father, Matthew Badger.

Surely no suffering matches that of one who loses a son or daughter at any age; even when parents are separated, no one else understands their grief as well as the other one does. While it may not mend this marriage, these sorrowing parents can be an unbeatable team working together to honor their beloved daughters and their grandparents, Pauline and Lamar Johnson. Also, remembering the grandparents’ recent move east to be near their granddaughters could help the extended family cause.

A little-noted fire danger story warns of the enormous dry Christmas tree hazard, which started a recent fire in a Staten Island home. Oh so miraculously, off-duty firefighter Steve Carl was driving by with his family when he spotted the flames and risked his life to rescue three 60-plus residents. A dog sadly died from smoke inhalation.

So post this urgent warning on Facebook and Twitter: Get those dry Christmas trees out of the house—pronto! Your neighbor’s, too. Fire officials are agreed that dry fir trees and faulty decorative lights start many fires.

But how to stop this diabolical, deliberate murder by fire?

I doubt that much (any?) Facebook attention was paid to Lillian Gillespie, 71, who was torched to death in her Brooklyn apartment house elevator by a disgruntled handyman she had befriended.

Yet, this mother and grandmother daily lived out her church’s “love one another” commandment at home, with neighbors and former post office colleagues. Her abominable killing so deserves an Occupy-type movement against the epidemic of revenge slayings and entertainment violence—evidenced in yet another new ABC series called Revenge! How long, dear Lord, how long?

But here’s the rare movie that can do great good for the elderhood cause; The Iron Lady thankfully includes a hard look at Margaret Thatcher’s elderhood, reflecting the harsh, often cruel and unjust realities of late life in general. A.O.Scott’s New York Times review notes the good fortune of having “cheery-minded professionals” as caregivers, yet Thatcher is mostly alone, sometimes forgetful, with seemingly few visitors. Her daughter comes by sometimes, but “her twin brother, Mark, unseen in the film, is far away in Africa, the distance emphasizing his mother loneliness and isolation.”

It’s the commonplace loneliness and isolation of elderhood stories that must get out there—and on Facebook and Twitter, too.

dewingbetter@aol.com 

By Bette Dewing

Because this Christmas/Hanukkah one of New York’s finest decorated police officers, Peter Figoski, has made the ultimate sacrifice in protecting us on the home front, it seems right for the illuminated Park Avenue Memorial trees honoring our war dead to also honor this beloved husband, son and father of four daughters, as well as countless others who gave their lives in the never-ending war against crime.

We need reminding that police officers put their lives on the line whenever they go on duty. And that beyond the call of duty work, most of what they do, never goes public until they are tragically struck down.

Officer Figoski was considered the finest of the fine in his devotion to his work at the 75th Precinct. Indeed, he was eligible and eminently qualified, after 22 years, to work with the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association, but he preferred to stay on the mean streets of Brooklyn.

“He was always helping the younger cops,” one person said. “[He was] the smartest cop ever, but he never wanted promotions,” another opined. One precinct resident was especially mournful, because Figoski’s two visits with fatherly advice helped turn her troubled teen daughter around.

So many stories told how “Pete” cared for others inside and outside the precinct house. And he was a role model when it came to his devotion to his family. Such stories cry out to be told.

Consider, too, the possible blundering of Brooklyn judges in allowing the person who reportedly pulled the trigger in the botched robbery to still be out on the streets. Consider that violent crime is up in some precincts and that government leaders and wannabes need reminding that their first duty is to protect public safety and those who protect us.

More, not less, police presence is in order, including citizen volunteers with the Auxiliary Police. Citizen presence at Police Community Council meetings helps keep the peace and raise goodwill. Call 311 for more information.

During these festive holidays, infinitely more attention must also be paid to the over-drinking factor in crimes like domestic violence, the most dangerous calls police officers make. How blessed we are to have a city health commissioner so actively concerned with the myriad dangers of alcohol overuse—especially, but not only, at holiday time.

Commissioner Dr. Thomas Farley warns that “excessive drinking impairs judgment and coordination, greatly increasing the chance for violence and injury.” One of the department’s subway ads shows a young man with a neck brace being placed in an ambulance and bears the bold print: “Two Drinks Ago This Wasn’t Your Ride.”

The poster’s small caption, “Stop drinking while you are still thinking,” needs enlarging, as does the standard advice about not letting an inebriated friend drive to include tips on helping a repeat offender get into treatment. Intervention must be urgently and widely encouraged—or even prescribed.

Farley’s press release includes appalling statistics of thousands of hospitalizations and fatalities from overdrinking as well as countless crimes committed under the influence. This should be written and spoken about often, and from pulpits and on faith group premises where Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are often held.

Urge public attendance at open City Council meetings to hear before-and-after drinking stories, the kind that occur even without any violence or physical injury. To contact AA, call 212-647-1680.

An anonymous 1980s letter to this paper bears repeating: “I just want you to know that since my punch bowl became non-alcoholic (thanks to AA), my holidays are what they were intended to be.”

dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

Always making a list of what we ought to talk about—and then, “Take action!” reminds Ellie Sankey, civic activist. First, a follow-up on last column’s kudos for Michelle Obama’s extended family values piece that ran in Reader’s Digest, which doesn’t jibe with her husband’s “Holiday Letter—from My Family to your Family”.

The president’s “holiday letter to the nation” only concerned his wife, two daughters and himself. There was no mention of his mother-in-law, the first grandmother and primary caregiver of the first daughters. And yet, his maternal grandparents were often his primary caregivers. Blame the nuclear family-dominant culture for this omission, one the president will surely regret when we remind him.

Let’s remind other elected officials and wannabes, too, that putting the extended family back together again is what we need for Christmas and Chanukah 2012—and beyond. Policy-makers in general need reminding that many of their constituents don’t have families, or they have the emotionally and geographically distant kind, which doesn’t supply the natural family support system.

Got to correct that, and also get what I call the “family rich” thinking about including the “family poor” in their lives—not only on the holidays.

Never have so many lived so much alone, for which the likes of radio advice guru Dr. Joy Browne can be blamed for railing against the “intergenerational family interaction” the first lady finds so essential. Let’s demand that those social engineers’ advice mainly consist of teaching communication and relationship skills from toddlerhood through elderhood. That’s the education we need most.

So extend the family, but also shop and support small—as in small neighborhood businesses that create community, which everyone needs, especially those too much alone or who can’t get around very well. Things cost a bit more and there’s not as much of a selection, but it means saving the neighborhood—neighborliness—we need most.

Doesn’t justice demand all-out support of small businesses that are ailing so badly, some fatally, from the Second Avenue Subway construction? Elected officials should do all their shopping and event-holding there. Set an example. And don’t forget the businesses adversely affected by Occupy Wall Street.

Ah, but bless the East Sixties Neighborhood Association for urging their members to support community entrepreneurs whenever possible. It would help revive that old-timey, timeless song, which says, “Your happiness lies right under your eyes, right in your own backyard…”

And happiness lies in the extensive multi-faith and philosophical book collection found in Logos Book Store on York Avenue and 84th Street and in its community events, especially the “Kill Your TV Book Club” and Children’s Story Time. And happiness lies in the floor-to-ceiling dark wood bookshelves and paneling ambience. There’s even a garden. Logos should be landmarked.

And the most serenely beautiful and most meaningful seasonal scene lies in the wonderfully illumined Park Avenue Memorial Trees. Many still don’t know that this blessed New York tradition was begun in World War II by several mothers whose sons made the ultimate sacrifice. The trees honor all who perish serving in this nation’s wars. And let’s remember the injured, too, as we walk along Park after sundown, and maybe say a prayer and sing some Christmas and Chanukah carols.

dewingbetter@aol.com

Andy Rooney once said, “In some small way, I always hoped my words were doing some little bit of good.” He added that most writers feel that way. And now I can’t find the exact quote, but that might have prompted Rooney’s son Brian to say, “Well, maybe he should have retired some time ago.” Yup, he said that about his dad on a recent episode of CBS’ The Early Show, which I serendipitously happened to catch.

His remark about his elder father’s snail’s-pace walk lacked understanding for his disability or how it might feel to his dad. This is the image we need to see more of on a public level: how elders struggle to stand, walk, see, hear, speak or remember.

Rooney rarely talked about his four offspring, several grandchildren and one great-grandchild. I learned from his obituary that his son lived in Los Angeles and his three daughters lived, respectively, in London, Boston and Chevy Chase, MD. There was no mention of how their parents felt about that.

It took an Internet search to learn of grandson Justin Fishel’s funeral remembrance of the time he spent alone with his grandfather and how close he felt to him. His granddad did go public about one extensive visit they had without his parents’ presence—but what about grown-up visits after Justin’s grandmother died in 2004 after 62 years of marriage to his grandfather?

Now, if these words are not doing your mood any good, keep in mind the “no pain without gain” truth. I’m emboldened by Rosalind Panepanto’s letter to the editor calling me “a voice for the voiceless.” (And bless Rosalind for being a key organizer of St. Stephen of Hungary’s Thanksgiving dinner for the community and, especially, for those I call the “family poor.”)

How I wish the president’s Thanksgiving day message would include the last part of the December/January Reader’s Digest cover story, “Michele Obama’s Family Values.”

Thankfully, her family values are the extended kind. Not only is her mother an invaluable caregiver for the first daughters, but, in the first lady’s own words:

“My mom has always been there for me, but now I don’t have to telephone, I just have to walk up to her room and plop down on the couch and vent. She listens and tells me to get it together and I do…she’s always a wonderful sounding board—objective and with no-nonsense common sense.

“She will tell you the truth. She doesn’t mince words, but her love is unconditional. One reason I talk about her is because I think having that intergenerational interaction in families is key. I still feel I need that mature shoulder to lean on who can kind of keep my head on straight. Every woman needs that. Every mother needs that. Every family needs that.”

Amen! And so do every man and every father—regardless of age.

Here’s to the “family rich” as well as the family poor—not only on holidays. And here’s to learning that the words that do the most good are the communication skills kind, because what to say over the plate is more important than what’s served on top of it.

P.S. I am thankful for you.

dewingbetter@aol.com.

By Bette Dewing

More will be said about legendary social critic Andy Rooney, who left us this month, and his memorable words: “In some small way I always hoped my words were doing some little bit of good” in my next column.

But this column is devoted to the passing of two other elders we could not afford to lose: Dorothy Rodham and Agnes Allon. I hope that these words will do a little bit of good by praising their role-model natural family support systems and protesting the powerful opposition in our society to these connections.

Typical obituaries slight these connections, along with how it was in the departed’s final years. Sure, we need to hear how Rodham overcame a “Dickensian” childhood to become a major mentor and inspiration to her world-renowned daughter, but we need even more to hear how close she and her husband remained, emotionally and geographically, as their daughter Hilary and son-in-law Bill Clinton urged them to move nearby.

And when Rodham was widowed later in life, she either lived in the Clinton household or very close by. Theirs was an interdependent intergenerational family with benefits for all age members, and it created a stable society. How maddening that the social engineer majority ignore and even disparage this natural support system. We rarely ever hear about the grandmother who lives in the White House right now.

In last week’s edition of this paper, there were three pages of heartfelt excerpts from the memorial service for Agnes, 84, the mother of Manhattan Media CEO Tom Allon. Hers, too, was a family that remained emotionally and geographically connected to her and her husband Victor. The now-departed father and grandfather also worked in Our Town’s accounting office, but what was so very essential to the family’s overall health was their shining example of marriage.

This is the invaluable legacy they leave their elder son Richard and his wife, Hope, as well as younger son Tom and his wife, Janet, and their teenaged children, Jonah, Lena and Tess. Speaking of rising above tragic backgrounds, both Agnes and Victor lost their parents and other kindred in the Holocaust, and young Victor played a heroic role in the rescue of his brother.

Younger generations especially need to hear grandson Jonah’s tribute to his grandmother, whom he called Anyu. May he speak often to his new college peers of the strength she unstintingly gave to him, his sisters and all of their family. He should speak to his teachers, who are often allergic to “family influence.” Protest this bias!

Elder son Richard’s tributes to his mother, offered in Hungarian and English, so movingly expressed his deep and abiding love for his mother and the profound loss he feels now. Richard and Tom are role models for all sons in a society where staying close to one’s mother means getting hit with the scurrilous “Mama’s Boy” label. If ever there were a wrong to protest!

And protest how the dying of elder mothers and fathers is dismissed as inconsequential, and how deeply mourning the loss of these primary kindred is deemed unnatural.

And while the Clintons and the Allons don’t adhere to this diabolical bias, they should read Edward Myers’ book, When Parents Die: A Guide for Adults. May they share with the world Myers’ cri de coeur against the cultural devaluing of adult filial love and grief.

If ever there were wrongs to protest!

dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

Animal welfare may get more coverage than the human kind, like the wild animals that were recently killed after their owner released them and then killed himself.

More attention was paid to this highly unusual tragedy than to more tragic murders of family members by family members. Although crimes against children are thankfully covered—like 2-year-old Caylee Anthony’s murder and now 10-month-old Lisa Irwin missing from her crib in Missouri. Lisa’s mother admits to drinking heavily the night before, but the alcohol factor is abysmally ignored in all manner of violent crimes, suicides and domestic violence cases.

Violence was not this column’s intended focus until photos appeared showing Libyan parents and their children lining up to gleefully view Muammar al-Gaddafi’s half-naked bloody corpse lying in a Misurata meat locker. No matter how horrendous the crimes committed by this terrible tyrant, rejoicing over human remains is contrary to Judeo/Christians creeds and the cause of nonviolence.

So is any murder taken as lightly as a recent item from this paper’s new Tweet column seemed to be: “Shaun Dyer charged w/killing his roommate. What will happen to the dog?”

The Upper East Side murder of David Shahda, 47, allegedly by his 46-year-old roommate, received minor media coverage, but none was about the devastating effect on their families. These two may not have been gay, but domestic violence between gays is “too often kept secret” said a recent Daily News report. So is domestic abuse of straight men by women—all men must now come out of the domestic violence/abuse closet.

Again, the alcohol factor often triggers actions that are unthinkable to the sober mind. This wasn’t addressed in Ken Burn’s highly acclaimed PBS Prohibition documentary series. Indeed, except for drunk driving, this most widely used of legal drugs generally gets pretty much of a pass.

But not by those preachers of my Minnesota childhood, though; current clergy might not overlook it either if they attended open AA meetings (often held on faith group premises) and heard the “before and after” true stories.

Indeed, everyone with a public voice or who holds public office needs to learn that overdrinking causes all manner of destructive behaviors and nonviolent ones, like neglecting and betraying the people we love. And they must insist that the invaluable intervention process made famous by Betty Ford is used whenever possible.

So bang the drum loudly for all of that and for drinking, which doctors now say should not exceed one drink daily for women and two for men.

Only a small space remains to address how, due to the Internet taking over the world, elders are being left out of the loop more and more, including in the new online “Bonfire” forum of Councilwoman Jessica Lappin, head of the council’s Committee on Aging. Her constituents are urged to share their concerns and ideas there on solving various city problems.

But what about the many elders without Internet? I make do in large measure thanks to Robert Nicholas, a computer-savvy friend who believes in my work. Indeed, he and his dog Mickey believe in giving a helping hand, or paw, wherever they’re needed, sometimes intervening to get indifferent families involved.

And how city elders need Nicholas’ public relations/management skills to stage long overdue “Occupy” protests—starting with taking back the streets, sidewalks and park paths from traffic lawbreakers and reckless wheelers and even heedless foot travelers.

To be continued, but for now here’s to a sober and smiley, non-scary Halloween, with special prayers on All Saints Day for a nonviolent, just and peaceable world. Amen.

dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

If my Yom Kippur column had to be bumped from the last issue, I’m glad it enabled more apartment building workers space to be honored, because we tenants often take their services, which are so indispensable to everyday life, for granted.

Here’s a radical and daring idea. To tell one another (very tactfully) what the other ought to repent for. It can be right helpful for each of us to recognize our faults, and the scriptures do claim: “Better the sharp reproof than the love that will not speak.” Now, where’s Dr Ernest Campbell’s great related sermon—oops, I mean essay about “speaking the truth in love,” not the in spite kind often found in cyberspace. Repent that!

We’d all be better off believing, as doorman Jose Temprano does, that “a church or temple is the best place to lose a wallet because people there are usually honest.” This was said after I attended the Epiphany Church on York Avenue’s annual Blessing of the Animals service and left feeling hopeful at the frequent smiles exchanged—thanks to the doggie presence. I didn’t even know my wallet was missing until the minister telephoned later to say it had been found on the church floor.

Although a frequent critic of religious groups (i.e., too few smiles exchanged and age groups segregated with the younger ones favored), I do so believe in the inestimable good that faith can do. Indeed, I behave better when in touch with repentance, atonement and “love one another” ideas. And I worry a lot about society’s waning interest in faith—even on the High Holy Days.

Consider that Andy Rooney might not have said he “feared dying—a lot” in his final 60 Minutes appearance if he’d had some of that faith. As for his “hating old age,” there’d be less to hate if he’d denounce society’s aversion to growing and being old—and “looking it,” above all in the custom and view-shaping media where older men patch or dye their hair and women must be model-pretty. It would sure help to hear more about Rooney’s large family as a natural support system, not only in old age!

But who will take Rooney’s place?

Well, I’m available, but my long crusade against ageism and age apartheid may over- or disqualify me. But with real repentance, CBS would want someone who needs a cane and maybe a walker or wheelchair in the future. Someone who needs a hearing aid (make them affordable!) and several new teeth (make them affordable!) and looks their age!

And they won’t have to mind an elder social critic demanding “Full speed back to G-rated TV fare!” Or who is gung-ho for low-speed, safe traffic conditions and lawful traffic behaviors you never see on the tube.

But for now, dear safety-first walkers who have long lamented safety-last-type bicycling, you must turn out big-time (like two-wheelers do) for Community Board 8’s full board meeting at 6:30 p.m, Wednesday, Oct. 19 at Marymount College, 221 E. 71st St. Urge the board to approve a bike licensing bill.

And call Jackson Heights-based State Assemblyman Michael DenDekker (718-457-0384), whose aide, David Shoreland, informed CB8’s Transportation Committee meeting of another bill to stem two-wheeled scofflawry. Heedless scootering? Shush—first things first!

But a mass repentance by all traffic law-breakers, including the two-footed kind, is long, long overdue. It’s especially needed by the foot-pedaling kind before the invasion of the Bike Share Program’s 10,000 silent fast-movers for any who have the price of the rental—no experience needed. Help! Help! And more help!

dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

“You don’t have to be Jewish to wish or be wished a happy New Year” a civic acquaintance reminds me. Nor, I reply, to do some repenting on Yom Kippur—an act that results in a happier (as in “what we need most”) New Year.

But the act of repentance is only reluctantly taken, even by those who attend services of different faiths beyond the High Holy ones. And we don’t dare tell each other what we ought to repent for, as advised by the Old Testament verse, “Better the sharp reproof than the love that will not speak!” Now, if I could just find that great, related Dr. Ernest Campbell sermon!

About that “happy wish”—not only faith but also civic and senior groups often want no deeper connection than exchanging greetings or superficial pleasantries. When help is truly needed, they are too quick to recommend the professional kind rather than get involved. “Call Search and Rescue” was one civic group member’s response to another’s call for assistance.

Gossip columns and TV celeb shows are all about celebs behaving badly, but no media report the indifferent behavior of faith, civic and senior groups. For example, indifference to why a regular member suddenly and maybe permanently becomes absent.

Exercise groups for 65-plus persons are also remiss. Our obsessive concern with the physical is to blame—for almost everything! Include in this the absence of mental health professionals to whom elders can lament the indifference of others, especially their family, without being labeled “whiners” or “self-pitiers.”

I’m always sorry to criticize faith, civic and senior groups because they really do a lot of good, but their policy makers are too often defensive when it comes to building more community within their ranks, especially between generations. And shouldn’t church groups “for young families” include “old families”—and also the “non-familied?” Could connecting different generations result in the “youngers” enabling some elders to attend services and meetings?

Ah, but here’s a 2009 New Year’s greeting to truly treasure and emulate, from my good friend, Hortie Ginsberg, whose Parkinson’s disease left her unable to shop and so her gifts were crisp bills tucked inside greeting cards. But what really made my season and beyond joyful, were her handwritten words: “To a very special friend. I love your company.”

That’s what makes the difference—when someone loves your company, it means they like to share time with you, converse with you, are concerned about you. Maybe it’s more often on the phone, but providing consistently caring social interaction is essential to overall health and indeed to societal health.

On the first anniversary of Hortie’s departure from this life, copies of this caring card were mailed to her daughter and son and to Madeline and Liz, staff members who gave “Mrs. Ginsberg” such expert and empathic care during her last decade. Madeline and Liz visited her grave last week with flowers and tears to tell her their news of the past year.

“She was always so interested,” they said.

But, above all, they told her how profoundly they miss her company. Thankfully, they still “keep company” with this old friend.

A caring New Year to all. Confession, atonement and making amends are good for what ails us, so remind and help me practice what I preach.

dewingbetter@aol.com

By Bette Dewing

This photo of a tree in Carl Schurz Park cruelly cut down by Hurricane Irene has great personal meaning, having been taken by my son, Todd Walter. The tree is located near the rocks where he and his brother, Jeff Joseph, played as children (before the bike and scooter explosion).

But there would be a public meaning, too, if the stump, which remains, were to bear a plaque telling us to stop and reflect on these wonders of nature—to reflect, period. Reminding us to be grateful that our city was spared the wrath of Hurricane Irene, and for City Hall’s great preparedness effort. (Now we must make it defend us from everyday lawless and heedless wheelers, especially of the two-wheeled kind. But that’s for another column.)

A plaque should also remind us to help those from whom the hurricane took such horrendous tolls in upstate New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Vermont.

And all of this hopefully relates to this column being written after attending the Sept. 11 service of remembrance held in front of 530 E. 84th St., where a designated tree honors all who were wrongfully and tragically lost on this nation’s most terrible day.

Thank you, Judith Cutler and your building super, who began and continued this blessed neighborhood tradition with its heartfelt remembrances of those who were lost—so many of them heroes, all of them missed so profoundly. Lighted candles circled the fenced-in tree pit with its plaque of remembrance inside, and a bouquet of sunflowers was left there by a woman whose cherished son was one of the innocent victims. When asked for a comment, I said, “Perhaps we honor the lost and those who mourn them best by being more neighborly throughout the year and, yes, exchanging more smiles on our dally rounds.”

We sang “God Bless America.” Singing life enhancing songs together, especially “America the Beautiful,” is something this society desperately needs to revive.

Some of all of that should be inscribed on that dear Carl Schurz Park tree stump. But these thoughts need to get out there more often from the pulpits, where people preach to “love one another,” and, above all, through those mediums that inordinately shape customs and views while more and more preaching opposing doctrines.

And surely related is to make this magnificent dream of former vice president and Minnesota Senator Hubert Humphrey, a nonpartisan man who said: “The impersonal hand of government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbor,” Smile, but not at wrongdoing—that we must fiercely protest!

dewingbetter@aol.com